Category: Uncategorized

September, 2001, was a busy time in this then-bustling household. Our youngest child, then twelve-year-old David, had recently started seventh grade. Our oldest daughter, Courtney, was just beginning her post-graduate microbiology training in Little Rock and was living with us until she found an apartment closer to her graduate school, a half hour commute from here on the best traffic days. Middle child, Kerry, was ensconced in a dormitory an hour away from home for her freshman year of college. I was on deadline, as always, and my husband was busy with his woodworking and other always-ongoing projects.

The morning of September 11 was hectic. I’d gotten David up, fed him breakfast, made sure he had either a sack lunch or lunch money (I don’t remember which), and had waved to him as he’d climbed onto the school bus. Courtney rushed around the house getting ready to leave for grad school, hoping the early rush hour traffic would have eased a bit by the time she reached the Arkansas River bridge. I remember very clearly sitting in my recliner with a cup of coffee, taking a moment to breathe before starting work, watching Good Morning, America with Charles Gibson and Diane Sawyer. Jack Hanna was scheduled to appear with some of his cute animals, and I always enjoyed those segments.

Just as Courtney was gathering her backpack and keys, an announcement came on the TV that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I was shocked, but the details were sketchy, and for all I knew it was a small plane in a tragic accident. I called my husband in to listen, and he sat in his recliner next to mine to learn the details. Courtney hesitated a moment, but she had to leave. The news went to live coverage, showing smoke billowing out of the first tower, and I divided my attention between watching that broadcast and watching through the patio door as Courtney dashed out to her car. Just as she drove away, I looked back at the screen — only to watch in horror as a plane hit the second tower. I wasn’t even sure that was what I had seen, I remember asking John if he’d seen it, too. He had — as had the stunned reporters covering the event.

My first reaction was that something must have gone wrong in a control tower. I asked John if there could be some sort of computer glitch causing the planes to be so horribly off-course.  He looked at me sadly and just shook his head. It was a naive question, of course. I simply could not fathom the kind of evil intent that would have deliberately led to those heinous actions. And then the reports came from the Pentagon. And a field in Pennsylvania. And scene after scene of unimaginable terror flashed across the television screen.

I thought of my friends in New York — my agent and her staff, my editors, other writers. I prayed they were safe. I reached for the phone and called my mother, like a frightened child needing my mother’s reassurance that everything would somehow be all right, when we both knew our world would never be quite the same. I called Courtney, needing to know she had arrived at school safely, and then Kerry, to make sure she was okay at college. I couldn’t call David at the junior high, but I had to trust he was being well cared for there. My first instinct was to reach out to the ones I loved most.

I did no writing that day, nor for the next week. It took a while before I could concentrate on light-hearted fiction again, and many of my writer friends admitted they had the same difficulty. Though I was far from the tragedy, safe in Arkansas, my heart — like the rest of the country’s — was in New York and Washington and Pennsylvania with the heroes and victims there. Our skies were empty, as were our spirits for those few bleak days, and we could think of nothing else. For a few days, we were a country united in grief and anger, our petty differences set aside.

Now, on the tenth anniversary of that day, so much has changed — in the world and in my own life. My mother lost her battle with pancreatic cancer four years ago, and there are so many days I wish I could call her again for her encouragement and reassurance. I am fortunate to still have my dad, and I know I can call on him whenever I need him. I’ve written quite a few light-hearted romances in the past ten years. I believe there is value in occasional hours of escapist entertainment, and always in the celebration of love.

I remember Courtney dashing out to her car; now she spends most of her days in a wheelchair still working to recuperate from the stroke she suffered last October. She is back to work full-time in medical research, searching for information that will lead to better treatments for hepatitis C while dealing with her own physical limitations with grace and courage 2400 miles from her family here. John and I could not be more proud of the brave and independent young woman she has become.

Kerry married a fine young man she met at the university she had just begun to attend ten years ago, completed medical school, and is now a third-year child and adult psychiatry resident in Massachusetts while her husband, Justin, attends graduate school.  Every day she works with people who struggle to survive trauma and addiction and chemical imbalances that make their lives so difficult, and I know she is making a difference there. She knows we are extremely proud of her, too.

David is now a first-year medical student, preparing to begin his own career of service to his community. At the risk of redundancy, I have to admit we’re very proud of him, too.

Our children are so fortunate to live in a country where they are free to pursue their dreams. I hope they comprehend and will always appreciate the sacrifices so many have made to keep that freedom alive.

You’ve probably figured out by now that I tend to be both sentimental and nostalgic. As I write this, it’s late afternoon and a yellow school bus just rattled past the house on this second day of a new school year in Arkansas. That sound and that flash of yellow through the leaded glass in the front door take me back to the days when I’d be waiting for my three children to jump off their school bus and run eagerly toward the house. Snacks, homework and piano practice awaited them – and while I never had to nag my academically ambitious offspring to do homework, the same wasn’t true of piano practice time. I can still hear the sounds of clanging keys from irritable little fingers that would much rather be busy with something else. I don’t miss the piano practice battles, but I do miss the music.

With just over nine years between my oldest and youngest, they were rarely in the same schools, and their home arrival times were staggered. A few years were crazy hectic — one child in elementary school, another in junior high, another in senior high, all busy with activities, sometimes all in the same evening. My husband and I somehow learned to split our two selves into three directions. I can still remember so many of those drama and choir performances, math competitions, academic open houses, piano recitals, drill team practices, prom meetings and other extracurricular activities. Our kids weren’t involved in sports, other than as spectators at the school football games, but they stayed quite busy, for the most part — which meant that we did, too. There are times when I wonder how we got it all done — and times when I miss those days very much.

Last week John and I had the pleasure of having all our “kids” home for the first time since last Christmas. Kerry and her husband came from Massachusetts to spend a few days with his family and a few days with ours, while Courtney flew in from Seattle. Courtney is still recuperating from the stroke she suffered at the end of October last year, still using a wheelchair most of the time and unable to use her right hand, but she gets by remarkably well and has continued making strides in her medical research career. Traveling alone in a wheelchair is a challenge, but she had plenty of help along the way from courteous airline employees, and she enjoyed a week away from work and therapy sessions and doctor visits.

David’s new apartment is close enough that he was able to spend a few evenings with us, though medical school orientation kept him busy during the days. Arkansas was in the middle of a record heatwave — the temperature soaring to 114 degrees one of those days — so our activities were pretty much confined to indoors during the week. We had several good meals (John prepared his famous smoked meatloaf one day, which is always a hit), played some games, talked a lot. One evening we all saw a movie together in a small, nearby theater; we saw “Cowboys and Aliens.” The film was fun, but mostly I enjoyed being in a theater with my entire immediate family for the first time in longer than I could remember. The girls and I went shopping one afternoon – another treat for me. At the end of the week, we all attended David’s “white coat ceremony,” a touching ceremony in which the incoming medical school class of 2015 recited an oath of professionalism, compassion and commitment. All other physicians in attendance were invited to renew their own oaths, so Kerry stood to recite along, causing a woman behind us to whisper loudly, to our amusement, “She can’t be old enough to be a doctor!”

Needless to say, John and I cherished every minute we were able to spend with our busy daughters and son during their visit with us.  Now the girls are back in their jobs, our son-in-law is preparing to start a new semester of graduate school, David’s immersed in medical school — and the nest is empty again. We aren’t sad — we’re so proud of all of them for pursuing the careers they have worked so hard toward. This was always our goal as parents, to see them independent and self-sufficient and productive. Still, because I am sentimental and nostalgic, I can’t help sighing a little when I hear that yellow bus clatter by, or when I wipe the dust from the piano keys or vacuum the three rarely-used bedrooms that still hold a few dolls and stuffed animals and plastic robots.